Nikita Gill in “For Her” says the following: “Every day/I thank the girl in me/that believed life could still be/something beautiful/even when/the cruelty of the world/was enough to chew her up,” and later “ On the days I succeed/I put my hand on my heart/and whisper to her/“This is for you”.”
Sometimes we as women believe that our story does not matter. This is a disbelief; the world needs you. People love you for who you are. You are here for a reason and that is why your story matters.
Because we are caregivers we are so busy giving away all we have. While we starve the love and affection we so willingly give to others will not always be appreciated, and more and more will just be asked of us, overlooking our own feelings and needs.
We neglect ourselves when trying to earn value and respect from those who say they love us. Tirelessly we get up early in the morning, making sandwiches, the one sweetie you were saving for yourself for weeks, but could not eat because you think they will appreciate the gesture. Rethink that. Do they even know what you did?
But all women heard while they grew up was: You’re not thin enough, you’re not pretty enough, not smart enough and you try to be a million things to everybody, just to have a label saying “You’re worthy”.
But have you ever really wondered who these people are exactly who are assessing your fundamental value? Look at them and decide whether they are even worthy of valuing you. The One who thought right from the start that you are worthy gave His life for you.
So, girlfriend, you are worthy, know that and don’t let anybody tell you differently.
Kahlil Gibran said it best: “I will do all you have said/And will make my soul/an envelope for your soul,/And my heart is a/residence for your beauty,/and my chest a grave for your sorrows… ”
We need to look after ourselves – our physical health, mental health and spiritual health. Start with self-love. It is not selfish; it is something you do for yourself, which no-one else can do for you. Do things that make the inner little girl jump up and down with joy, those things that make you feel competent and confident, in which no-one judges you, where your achievements are private but oh, so enjoyable.
Speak kindly to yourself, avoid comparing yourself to others, avoid gossip, stay away from people who drain your energy. Please yourself before pleasing others.
Choose how you want to feel; be happy for no reason. There are things people can’t take away from you: your skills, mindset, character, knowledge and work ethic. Keep reminding yourself you are considerate, have integrity and dignity, are generous, with a good heart and, most of all, you don’t give up!
Yes, there are things that happened to you in the past, maybe as a little girl. Acknowledge and accepting these realities will make things easier to deal with. Accepting that you didn’t have an ideal upbringing or mother-daughter relationship must be accompanied by self-compassion and regaining your worth within yourself, by not judging yourself and knowing you are worthy of love and respect.
Go out, do things, meet other people, hear their stories. Dress up, put on the make-up, feel pretty again, choose the apple before the chocolate, make time to spend with God, and receive your first hug from God in the mornings.
Attend workshops, learn new skills and celebrate your progress. Take small steps and do the things you hate. Understand that it’s okay not to be perfect; you have flaws but that does no define your worth as a person. Believe in yourself and your ability to overcome challenges, set boundaries by respecting your own needs.
Learn to say: “I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.” Forgive yourself for past mistakes and perceived shortcomings.
Embrace your imperfections and say to yourself it is okay not to be perfect. Being vulnerable sometimes helps other people overcome their own struggles, and if you helped only one person your worth has been validated.
Suffering and setbacks are a part of the shared human experience. Everyone goes through tough times. As long as you keep the following in mind: you’re humble enough to know that you can be replaced, but confident enough to know there’s no one else like you. Set boundaries and know your worth!
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